journal
Lots to read hear. I have titled the entries so you can pick and choose what interests you.
Excerpt from correspondence -Nov 2006: Salvation and the church
I am so deeply encouraged by your e-mails in the last couple of weeks! I had been quite burdened with uncertainty about the team and the church. I struggled also with disappoints here in Hueyapan about how Christians responded or didn’t respond to life. It was during this time that I was asked to preach and I accepted the challenge (my first time). With the things on my mind I decided I needed to better understand what is salvation and how it influences an individual and how that individual fits into the church. The words salvation (save, saved, saving, Savior) appear 515 (approx.) times in the KJV Bible. I read each verse. I recommend the read!:) It was well worth while for me, in fact, I decided to do it again after a couple of weeks of absorbing.
So I have this message for you: I can’t possibly express everything that seems important to me in the Gospel of salvation, but I observe that there are at least three parts to salvation. When I person repents and believes in salvation through Jesus Christ there is a historical shift (justification) of position for that person being now identified in the death and righteousness of Christ (death meaning death to guilt and power of sin- for sin leads to death and that death happened on the cross for all of us). A second part is the salvation that we experience in our daily journey unto Christ-likeness (sanctification). The Holy Spirit is promised by Christ and sent because we needed it. We are on a journey with the Holy Spirit as teacher, comforter, healer, helper… What God will make of us is more than we expect or even care for –for His ways are higher than ours, and no one has seen or heard, nor has it entered their imagination what God has prepared for those who’s hope is in Him. Hope: here is the third part of the salvation of God (theologically called ‘glorification’). We are eagerly waiting for salvation to be fulfilled at the reappearing of Christ. We hope for this time when we will see clearly, and “know even as we are known”. This is the fulfillment of what Abraham, Moses, David, the prophets, Apostles, etc were waiting for (see Pslam 119 for David’s longing and love for the righteouness of God, see Rev 19 for a picture of salvation fulfilled, see Heb 11 last verses and chapter 12, 1 Peter 1, and others).
One thing about this salvation journey (sanctification) and promise (hope) is that the church is very important in this. The church is destined to be the fulfillment of the righteousness and salvation we are waiting for (see Eph 1:22-23, 2:20-22, and chapter 4…) In Eph 4 that we see the picture and promise for which we strive for. We work toward this now, but I believe it will be fully fulfilled at the time that God has ordained. I am not sure, but it seems to be in this study that the fulfillment of all that I am longing for in righteousness and salvation is much less than the vision God has -which can only be fulfilled in the collective unity of every part of the body under the head –Christ.
My work in our church, my work here, and, I expect, the work for the rest of my life will be in faith and hope of this fulfillment.
I consider my personal blog to be a continuation of my relationship with and ministry to many people. The Hope Mission 50 blog will represent my parent’s as well as my ministry here through details and stories. So please see both. www.jwallthoughts.blogspot.com and www.hope-mission50.blogspot.com
Journal entry: 2006-10-27
I lacked wisdom while in action today. I called for attention when I had nothing to say. Impatient, I disrespected my Dad. Why did I come here again?
To compliment my parent’s ministry and lives.
Excerpt from correspondence (Dec 28th, 2006): Mexican, Culture and Ministry
… Many things are changing and establishing here as we adapt to our environment. Today we went to visit an orphanage because we are exploring dreams of starting an orphanage here. It is an intriguing possibility, and a real need.
I personally am particularly interested ministry toward children, and also ministry to men.
This week we went to native village with candy and stories and a guitar. 170 children showed up and we read stories, sang, and played soccer. What a relevant ministry that is for these villages!! This is an opportunity to make their lives better in education, hope, love, discipline, relationships and exercise.
There is a house close to where I live that is right on the river and the property is quite beautiful. This is where the bootleggers live and this is where several men are in town could call home. And it is very sad. I have dreams of converting that place into a home of sorts where I could give these guys trades and jobs and positive expression of their restlessness.
Alcohol here is an ugly word. I see nothing positive about it; rather, I see many nauseating affects on this community. Those who drink a lot use a cheap moonshine made from sugarcane. It really stinks! Many of these guys have fried brains. (I don’t know how much the alcohol has to do with that, or what other substances they use, but they always smell of this moonshine.) The alcohol problem here is much deeper, of course, than the moonshine. The culture of restlessness and hopelessness is at the root of it. And alcohol is a trap for many that results in things worse, quite!
Excerpt from correspondence (early Dec, 2006): Vera Cruz, culture and experience
He are about 4 hours (170kms) east of Vera Cruz city in Mexico (the southern most point of the Gulf of Mexico); approx 7-8 hours west of Guatemala, and a bit further from Belize. This is a tropical region, mountainous, and hot. Some of the mountains around here are formed by volcanic activity. There are dormant volcanoes (I am told) near by. I can walk out onto the street here and have a view of the Sierras Madres to the east: These are not the Rocky mountains, no, very different. Older and smaller, these mountains are covered in vegetation and animals such as monkeys, wild boars, iguanas, parrots… And I don’t know what. Once I learn the language and ways better I will do the research that I am anxious to be doing about the wilderness and wildlife here. I have been offered to use horses at my pleasure, but I have to learn to ride a horse too. If you were to come visit you would experience the Mexican culture as well as cultures of native peoples here (can’t remember the name of their ancestry, but they say they speak ‘Po-po-lu-ca’). Some of these native villages are not reachable except by horseback, and the people hide behind trees or climb trees to watch visitors, shyly.
The countryside is so quiet and peaceful. Mexico has a charm that will make you feel Mexican. And something mysterious about the atmosphere, together with the clean air, beautiful towns and country-sides, that makes you fall in love with the place. In my travels the highlands and countryside of England and Scotland have a comparable charm, but different. Mexico is wild and natural, and casual. There is no thought here about bills or deadlines or schedules. Stop at a small restaurant and the food is fresh, natural, delicious, and cheap. The hosts are usually respectful, friendly, and really good hosts –I have never experienced service like I have in some places here!
I killed my first tarantula the other day. I was told, later, that the poison of tarantulas and scorpions is not dangerous here (as it is in north and west Mexico).
I cut a bundle of bananas down in the back yard (delicious!!) Papayas are almost ready; they are bigger than a CFL football. The mangoes aren’t ready yet. We can’t keep up with the oranges. I planted a grapefruit tree the other day, and lemon.
We find some things very frustrating here working with the people, there is not a lot of education, but we find the culture to be very relaxing and life simple. Hammocks and palm leaf roofs are an important part of the scenery.
Tortillas are available fresh and hot at the door several times a day. People don’t really keep food stored in their houses but buy fresh as they need it. There are small variety stores everywhere, and many sorts of vendors passing through the streets by foot or by car with loud speakers. In this way you can buy oranges, fruit, dairy, baked goods, peanuts, ice cream, mattresses, appliances…
I should send some pictures.
I think you’d really like the visit! Did I mention the ocean, or mineral water, or crocodiles? How about the opportunities for photography, listen to and learn cool guitar music…
The people here do treat us very well. We are very respected and honoured -in most ways. The church meets everyday, and twice on Sunday. All the services are very casual and usually quite spontaneous. I have found them to be more refreshing than draining (I am relieved about that). Music is loud and they love their songs of “gozo” (joy). When I talk to someone on the street I find they are very respectful. Even door to door sales, or handing out of tracks is kindly accepted.
We are experiencing a reviving of sorts in the Christian communities here. With compassion and willingness, people are reaching out to others –drunks, broken families, youth… I have a friend here who has shocked all of us in that when he was asked to preach for the first time he willingly and confidently consented. The second time he was asked to preach he had the preparation time of one song before he was handed the mic, but he willingly did it again, and a really good job, mature, and forceful; not with so much shouting and schemes that many preachers use here, but in teaching and exhortation style he uses many scripture references and uses them well. Four months ago (or so), he was on the verge of mental breakdown, a solitary person with no responsibility. He had issues of seeing images, and talking to himself. He did not want to go crazy and has made efforts to challenge his lifestyle. And at this point in the story (two months ago) Mom, Dad, and I arrived and he and I hit it off. The timing of our meeting is really wonderful, and a blessing to me as well as him.
Last week Mom and Dad individually went through some of the hardest trials of their ministry career. Mom’s leg (which is a gauge of the amount of stress in her life) developed a hole again. Dad was talking about packing up here and returning to Canada. But already by the week-end they experienced one of the greatest spiritual revivals that they have ever had. Mom, for example, is filled with so much joy that her body cannot contain it and she cannot stand still during worship; and she is filled with so much love that she has twice taken the microphone from Dad because her heart swelled with words and compassion for people. We joked yesterday, Dad and I, about spending all of our time cooking for Mom and doing her laundry and cleaning the house and praying in order to support her and her ministry. This would be an exact reversal of roles. Mom jumps and shivers in joy, and laughs a lot. Her leg is getting better very quickly. Dad is quieted in spirit, courageous, and the church here is experiencing a revival that is not being orchestrated by us nor maintained by us.
I don’t understand what is going on, but I am amazed and willing to take it day by day.
Excerpt from Correspondance (Dec 2006): experience, service, wisdom
…Wisdom is valuable only when you work for it because the journey reveals the need for wisdom, the value of wisdom, the use and understanding of wisdom... Like character, it is only character if you have had to find it... “we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). It is for this reason also that service and participation in community is valuable because the experience will make us richer in character, and wisdom, and memories. God blesses a willing and joyful servant. The blessings are worth the journey…
Excerpt from Correspondence (Dec, 2006): fool, and a young lady!
…I don’t understand, but I am experiencing strong feelings for a young lady here. She stayed at my parent’s house for a few months a couple of years ago in Canada. We worked closely with her in January when we built the church. And she is part of the leadership in this church here -so I see much of her. But I do not feel confident that I know her for a still cannot have a real conversation in Spanish. So I am frustrated with my vulnerability, and a bit anxious about the responsibility, and scared of the possibility!
Something that makes me anxious is making a mistake. What if I think something now, say something, or do something that will prove foolish later? That is my struggle, honestly. But I believe that in sincerity and honesty these things can be a lesson and encouragement for me and others around me. I need council and encouragement as well. And if I am indeed a fool, then let’s have it known, for goodness sake, that we can change that! You were almost frustrated to tears as you wrote, and I am frustrated unto taking a risk in talking about this. Now that it is done, and with passionate language, I can have a good laugh!! It is funny. But I do not like the uncertainty…
Excerpt from correspondence, (Dec 2006): faith and the pursuit of truth
…Intellectually I am bound to the road of faith that I am on. My journey is traceable and definable. But I don’t approach the issues in a typical fashion for I have experienced the maze of philosophical debate (both in within my own mind and in conversation) and don’t believe that my mind is big, or open, enough for the task. What I want to emphasize in such journeys, however, is the importance of honesty and integrity. For, imagine a group of scientists that are distracted by their own ambitions and pride. Imagine if they would be more concerned about their own reputation and status then in the advancement of true science. Imagine such scientists hiding their findings and results because they would have to admit that they were wrong. Or imagine scientists with such high calling as medicine withholding good drugs or selling bad ones under the influence of a confusion of small personal conveniences and insecurities, for business and reputation. Imagine how distracting that would be for advancement!
I think a good cartoonist could reveal the inconsistency of science and some scientists. Good science needs people of character, humility, wisdom, willingness to be wrong, to turn the other cheek, boldness to stand up for what is true, courage to follow a lead to the end, and a hope that there is something to be found.
Such a scientist needs faith in truth. Such a scientist needs to believe that that truth is not resisting his efforts, such a scientist must not only seek truth but live it: live what he knows to be true with perseverance and faithfulness or he will continually be shifting back forth, unstable and inconsistent.
I have come to the point where honesty and truth have required that I put my hope in a God that is personal and good, and has revealed himself sufficiently for the next step I need to take -and not more; and there are continually more steps to take..
… This is, however, as much as I really wanted to say, and as clearly as I know how to say it.
Isn’t it true that something can be clear and make sense one day but seems strange another day? Or have you ever read a poem or quote by someone that deserves respect but it doesn’t really impact you the way it has others. Our ability to understand and believe is greatly influenced both in who we spend our time with, and how we live in response to the truth.
Very well I will attach some verses below or else I will be guilty of plagiarism.
John 8:31
James 1:21-27
1 Peter 2:8
James 1:4-7
And so many others, but these came to mind while I wrote…
2006-12-27 Journal Entry: light in a dark place
Dear Father,
I do praise you for your gift of light, peace, joy and salvation to the world. On Christmas morning we played the song “JOY to the world, the Lord has come!” And when I hear that I almost cried. Joy was not what I was experiencing.
Through the day there were phone calls from siblings, Herman and Eva arrived, and the youth passed through the streets singing, praying and preaching. By the end there was light in my heart and joy that clashed *appropriately with the darkness and sadness of the morning. I praise you dear Father.
(*appropriately, because Christmas is a reflection of the moment in history that the hope of the world was revealed)
2007-01-04 excerpt from Journal entry: realistically
…I am stunned at how difficult it has been for me to adapt here. Sometimes I lament the foolishness of my decision to leave relationships and ministry behind that have required much investment. As well as language; instead of starting from scratch, I could be working on improving my knowledge and use of the English language, which also needs much work… The fact is, however, that I would not be doing the ministry that I would be longing to do, in Canada, nor would I invest into any relationships the way I would want to because I wouldn’t have time. And as for language, I had years to be working on bettering by vocabulary and expression, but I wasn’t doing that, not with any effort.
Here I am, and I am glad that I have this opportunity to be challenged so deeply that I do, I must, learn and change.
Excerpt from correspondence (Jan 2007): Kindling
…I had a talk with Maria the other day. I figured that I couldn’t express myself even if I were able to use English, so Spanish shouldn’t be so much harder. It wasn’t hard. But she asked more questions and drew out more words than I would have volunteered on my own. I am not sure what is to come, but something is kindled: we have along journey. Please pray for us for patience, wisdom, and trust in God. There are a lot of things uncertain for me, but one step at a time in sincerity, courage, and prayer and I believe there will be no regrets whatever the outcome...
Jan. 15, 07 note on vocabulary, ideas, and faith
The culture here in and out of church uses language that is much more spiritually rooted than what I was accustomed to in Canada. And I think my vocabulary has been acclimatizing.
In Canada only a few months ago I felt an illness at the use of certain “faith” words and expressions because of cynicism: I recognized it even then, but I did consider it appropriate. A few months ago I had decided to be less shy about using some of these same words (I am thinking about words and expressions such as faith, prayer, new life, for example) because though they have been often misused, they are important words to me. It would be more honest for me to use them than avoid them; and perhaps the discomfort and criticalness in my society could be changed and challenged.
Writing these emails and blogs has necessitated that I use the same language with whomever I might be trying to keep in touch with. Some of my contacts, many of my contacts, I expect, will find this sort of language rather foreign. But one thing has been affirmed in my mind concerning culture, religion, language and dialogue… that the structure of our sentences, as the limitations of our minds and faith are not so much based on what we call ‘reality’, as it is based on the culture that we associate ourselves with. And that vocabulary as well as opinions can really change as easily as deciding to stand with a different group of people at our social gatherings. Beware, I warn myself, of being critical or high-minded of anyone else.
I take words very seriously, and the expression of ideas. It would be foolish for me here not to use the language that everyone else is using. And I find that it is refreshing to be able to express freely things that I have been part of me for a long time. I am glad to be rid of some of the cultural taboos and oppressions of Canada… What do you think? Mexico is clearly not free of taboos and oppressions, but neither is the mini culture in which I felt most comfortable at home.
Far from relativism or hopelessness, I have a real faith in truth and a desire for people to know it. The more I learn about reality, the more I see the need for grace through faith. In other words: I have heard a calling that calls “Jump! For there is so much more than you know, and I am good.” “What is your name?” I ask, as I finally lean over so far that I am beyond return. He answers again, and I get it, then ask again…
Excerpt from correspondence -Nov 2006: Salvation and the church
I am so deeply encouraged by your e-mails in the last couple of weeks! I had been quite burdened with uncertainty about the team and the church. I struggled also with disappoints here in Hueyapan about how Christians responded or didn’t respond to life. It was during this time that I was asked to preach and I accepted the challenge (my first time). With the things on my mind I decided I needed to better understand what is salvation and how it influences an individual and how that individual fits into the church. The words salvation (save, saved, saving, Savior) appear 515 (approx.) times in the KJV Bible. I read each verse. I recommend the read!:) It was well worth while for me, in fact, I decided to do it again after a couple of weeks of absorbing.
So I have this message for you: I can’t possibly express everything that seems important to me in the Gospel of salvation, but I observe that there are at least three parts to salvation. When I person repents and believes in salvation through Jesus Christ there is a historical shift (justification) of position for that person being now identified in the death and righteousness of Christ (death meaning death to guilt and power of sin- for sin leads to death and that death happened on the cross for all of us). A second part is the salvation that we experience in our daily journey unto Christ-likeness (sanctification). The Holy Spirit is promised by Christ and sent because we needed it. We are on a journey with the Holy Spirit as teacher, comforter, healer, helper… What God will make of us is more than we expect or even care for –for His ways are higher than ours, and no one has seen or heard, nor has it entered their imagination what God has prepared for those who’s hope is in Him. Hope: here is the third part of the salvation of God (theologically called ‘glorification’). We are eagerly waiting for salvation to be fulfilled at the reappearing of Christ. We hope for this time when we will see clearly, and “know even as we are known”. This is the fulfillment of what Abraham, Moses, David, the prophets, Apostles, etc were waiting for (see Pslam 119 for David’s longing and love for the righteouness of God, see Rev 19 for a picture of salvation fulfilled, see Heb 11 last verses and chapter 12, 1 Peter 1, and others).
One thing about this salvation journey (sanctification) and promise (hope) is that the church is very important in this. The church is destined to be the fulfillment of the righteousness and salvation we are waiting for (see Eph 1:22-23, 2:20-22, and chapter 4…) In Eph 4 that we see the picture and promise for which we strive for. We work toward this now, but I believe it will be fully fulfilled at the time that God has ordained. I am not sure, but it seems to be in this study that the fulfillment of all that I am longing for in righteousness and salvation is much less than the vision God has -which can only be fulfilled in the collective unity of every part of the body under the head –Christ.
My work in our church, my work here, and, I expect, the work for the rest of my life will be in faith and hope of this fulfillment.
I consider my personal blog to be a continuation of my relationship with and ministry to many people. The Hope Mission 50 blog will represent my parent’s as well as my ministry here through details and stories. So please see both. www.jwallthoughts.blogspot.com and www.hope-mission50.blogspot.com
Journal entry: 2006-10-27
I lacked wisdom while in action today. I called for attention when I had nothing to say. Impatient, I disrespected my Dad. Why did I come here again?
To compliment my parent’s ministry and lives.
Excerpt from correspondence (Dec 28th, 2006): Mexican, Culture and Ministry
… Many things are changing and establishing here as we adapt to our environment. Today we went to visit an orphanage because we are exploring dreams of starting an orphanage here. It is an intriguing possibility, and a real need.
I personally am particularly interested ministry toward children, and also ministry to men.
This week we went to native village with candy and stories and a guitar. 170 children showed up and we read stories, sang, and played soccer. What a relevant ministry that is for these villages!! This is an opportunity to make their lives better in education, hope, love, discipline, relationships and exercise.
There is a house close to where I live that is right on the river and the property is quite beautiful. This is where the bootleggers live and this is where several men are in town could call home. And it is very sad. I have dreams of converting that place into a home of sorts where I could give these guys trades and jobs and positive expression of their restlessness.
Alcohol here is an ugly word. I see nothing positive about it; rather, I see many nauseating affects on this community. Those who drink a lot use a cheap moonshine made from sugarcane. It really stinks! Many of these guys have fried brains. (I don’t know how much the alcohol has to do with that, or what other substances they use, but they always smell of this moonshine.) The alcohol problem here is much deeper, of course, than the moonshine. The culture of restlessness and hopelessness is at the root of it. And alcohol is a trap for many that results in things worse, quite!
Excerpt from correspondence (early Dec, 2006): Vera Cruz, culture and experience
He are about 4 hours (170kms) east of Vera Cruz city in Mexico (the southern most point of the Gulf of Mexico); approx 7-8 hours west of Guatemala, and a bit further from Belize. This is a tropical region, mountainous, and hot. Some of the mountains around here are formed by volcanic activity. There are dormant volcanoes (I am told) near by. I can walk out onto the street here and have a view of the Sierras Madres to the east: These are not the Rocky mountains, no, very different. Older and smaller, these mountains are covered in vegetation and animals such as monkeys, wild boars, iguanas, parrots… And I don’t know what. Once I learn the language and ways better I will do the research that I am anxious to be doing about the wilderness and wildlife here. I have been offered to use horses at my pleasure, but I have to learn to ride a horse too. If you were to come visit you would experience the Mexican culture as well as cultures of native peoples here (can’t remember the name of their ancestry, but they say they speak ‘Po-po-lu-ca’). Some of these native villages are not reachable except by horseback, and the people hide behind trees or climb trees to watch visitors, shyly.
The countryside is so quiet and peaceful. Mexico has a charm that will make you feel Mexican. And something mysterious about the atmosphere, together with the clean air, beautiful towns and country-sides, that makes you fall in love with the place. In my travels the highlands and countryside of England and Scotland have a comparable charm, but different. Mexico is wild and natural, and casual. There is no thought here about bills or deadlines or schedules. Stop at a small restaurant and the food is fresh, natural, delicious, and cheap. The hosts are usually respectful, friendly, and really good hosts –I have never experienced service like I have in some places here!
I killed my first tarantula the other day. I was told, later, that the poison of tarantulas and scorpions is not dangerous here (as it is in north and west Mexico).
I cut a bundle of bananas down in the back yard (delicious!!) Papayas are almost ready; they are bigger than a CFL football. The mangoes aren’t ready yet. We can’t keep up with the oranges. I planted a grapefruit tree the other day, and lemon.
We find some things very frustrating here working with the people, there is not a lot of education, but we find the culture to be very relaxing and life simple. Hammocks and palm leaf roofs are an important part of the scenery.
Tortillas are available fresh and hot at the door several times a day. People don’t really keep food stored in their houses but buy fresh as they need it. There are small variety stores everywhere, and many sorts of vendors passing through the streets by foot or by car with loud speakers. In this way you can buy oranges, fruit, dairy, baked goods, peanuts, ice cream, mattresses, appliances…
I should send some pictures.
I think you’d really like the visit! Did I mention the ocean, or mineral water, or crocodiles? How about the opportunities for photography, listen to and learn cool guitar music…
The people here do treat us very well. We are very respected and honoured -in most ways. The church meets everyday, and twice on Sunday. All the services are very casual and usually quite spontaneous. I have found them to be more refreshing than draining (I am relieved about that). Music is loud and they love their songs of “gozo” (joy). When I talk to someone on the street I find they are very respectful. Even door to door sales, or handing out of tracks is kindly accepted.
We are experiencing a reviving of sorts in the Christian communities here. With compassion and willingness, people are reaching out to others –drunks, broken families, youth… I have a friend here who has shocked all of us in that when he was asked to preach for the first time he willingly and confidently consented. The second time he was asked to preach he had the preparation time of one song before he was handed the mic, but he willingly did it again, and a really good job, mature, and forceful; not with so much shouting and schemes that many preachers use here, but in teaching and exhortation style he uses many scripture references and uses them well. Four months ago (or so), he was on the verge of mental breakdown, a solitary person with no responsibility. He had issues of seeing images, and talking to himself. He did not want to go crazy and has made efforts to challenge his lifestyle. And at this point in the story (two months ago) Mom, Dad, and I arrived and he and I hit it off. The timing of our meeting is really wonderful, and a blessing to me as well as him.
Last week Mom and Dad individually went through some of the hardest trials of their ministry career. Mom’s leg (which is a gauge of the amount of stress in her life) developed a hole again. Dad was talking about packing up here and returning to Canada. But already by the week-end they experienced one of the greatest spiritual revivals that they have ever had. Mom, for example, is filled with so much joy that her body cannot contain it and she cannot stand still during worship; and she is filled with so much love that she has twice taken the microphone from Dad because her heart swelled with words and compassion for people. We joked yesterday, Dad and I, about spending all of our time cooking for Mom and doing her laundry and cleaning the house and praying in order to support her and her ministry. This would be an exact reversal of roles. Mom jumps and shivers in joy, and laughs a lot. Her leg is getting better very quickly. Dad is quieted in spirit, courageous, and the church here is experiencing a revival that is not being orchestrated by us nor maintained by us.
I don’t understand what is going on, but I am amazed and willing to take it day by day.
Excerpt from Correspondance (Dec 2006): experience, service, wisdom
…Wisdom is valuable only when you work for it because the journey reveals the need for wisdom, the value of wisdom, the use and understanding of wisdom... Like character, it is only character if you have had to find it... “we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). It is for this reason also that service and participation in community is valuable because the experience will make us richer in character, and wisdom, and memories. God blesses a willing and joyful servant. The blessings are worth the journey…
Excerpt from Correspondence (Dec, 2006): fool, and a young lady!
…I don’t understand, but I am experiencing strong feelings for a young lady here. She stayed at my parent’s house for a few months a couple of years ago in Canada. We worked closely with her in January when we built the church. And she is part of the leadership in this church here -so I see much of her. But I do not feel confident that I know her for a still cannot have a real conversation in Spanish. So I am frustrated with my vulnerability, and a bit anxious about the responsibility, and scared of the possibility!
Something that makes me anxious is making a mistake. What if I think something now, say something, or do something that will prove foolish later? That is my struggle, honestly. But I believe that in sincerity and honesty these things can be a lesson and encouragement for me and others around me. I need council and encouragement as well. And if I am indeed a fool, then let’s have it known, for goodness sake, that we can change that! You were almost frustrated to tears as you wrote, and I am frustrated unto taking a risk in talking about this. Now that it is done, and with passionate language, I can have a good laugh!! It is funny. But I do not like the uncertainty…
Excerpt from correspondence, (Dec 2006): faith and the pursuit of truth
…Intellectually I am bound to the road of faith that I am on. My journey is traceable and definable. But I don’t approach the issues in a typical fashion for I have experienced the maze of philosophical debate (both in within my own mind and in conversation) and don’t believe that my mind is big, or open, enough for the task. What I want to emphasize in such journeys, however, is the importance of honesty and integrity. For, imagine a group of scientists that are distracted by their own ambitions and pride. Imagine if they would be more concerned about their own reputation and status then in the advancement of true science. Imagine such scientists hiding their findings and results because they would have to admit that they were wrong. Or imagine scientists with such high calling as medicine withholding good drugs or selling bad ones under the influence of a confusion of small personal conveniences and insecurities, for business and reputation. Imagine how distracting that would be for advancement!
I think a good cartoonist could reveal the inconsistency of science and some scientists. Good science needs people of character, humility, wisdom, willingness to be wrong, to turn the other cheek, boldness to stand up for what is true, courage to follow a lead to the end, and a hope that there is something to be found.
Such a scientist needs faith in truth. Such a scientist needs to believe that that truth is not resisting his efforts, such a scientist must not only seek truth but live it: live what he knows to be true with perseverance and faithfulness or he will continually be shifting back forth, unstable and inconsistent.
I have come to the point where honesty and truth have required that I put my hope in a God that is personal and good, and has revealed himself sufficiently for the next step I need to take -and not more; and there are continually more steps to take..
… This is, however, as much as I really wanted to say, and as clearly as I know how to say it.
Isn’t it true that something can be clear and make sense one day but seems strange another day? Or have you ever read a poem or quote by someone that deserves respect but it doesn’t really impact you the way it has others. Our ability to understand and believe is greatly influenced both in who we spend our time with, and how we live in response to the truth.
Very well I will attach some verses below or else I will be guilty of plagiarism.
John 8:31
James 1:21-27
1 Peter 2:8
James 1:4-7
And so many others, but these came to mind while I wrote…
2006-12-27 Journal Entry: light in a dark place
Dear Father,
I do praise you for your gift of light, peace, joy and salvation to the world. On Christmas morning we played the song “JOY to the world, the Lord has come!” And when I hear that I almost cried. Joy was not what I was experiencing.
Through the day there were phone calls from siblings, Herman and Eva arrived, and the youth passed through the streets singing, praying and preaching. By the end there was light in my heart and joy that clashed *appropriately with the darkness and sadness of the morning. I praise you dear Father.
(*appropriately, because Christmas is a reflection of the moment in history that the hope of the world was revealed)
2007-01-04 excerpt from Journal entry: realistically
…I am stunned at how difficult it has been for me to adapt here. Sometimes I lament the foolishness of my decision to leave relationships and ministry behind that have required much investment. As well as language; instead of starting from scratch, I could be working on improving my knowledge and use of the English language, which also needs much work… The fact is, however, that I would not be doing the ministry that I would be longing to do, in Canada, nor would I invest into any relationships the way I would want to because I wouldn’t have time. And as for language, I had years to be working on bettering by vocabulary and expression, but I wasn’t doing that, not with any effort.
Here I am, and I am glad that I have this opportunity to be challenged so deeply that I do, I must, learn and change.
Excerpt from correspondence (Jan 2007): Kindling
…I had a talk with Maria the other day. I figured that I couldn’t express myself even if I were able to use English, so Spanish shouldn’t be so much harder. It wasn’t hard. But she asked more questions and drew out more words than I would have volunteered on my own. I am not sure what is to come, but something is kindled: we have along journey. Please pray for us for patience, wisdom, and trust in God. There are a lot of things uncertain for me, but one step at a time in sincerity, courage, and prayer and I believe there will be no regrets whatever the outcome...
Jan. 15, 07 note on vocabulary, ideas, and faith
The culture here in and out of church uses language that is much more spiritually rooted than what I was accustomed to in Canada. And I think my vocabulary has been acclimatizing.
In Canada only a few months ago I felt an illness at the use of certain “faith” words and expressions because of cynicism: I recognized it even then, but I did consider it appropriate. A few months ago I had decided to be less shy about using some of these same words (I am thinking about words and expressions such as faith, prayer, new life, for example) because though they have been often misused, they are important words to me. It would be more honest for me to use them than avoid them; and perhaps the discomfort and criticalness in my society could be changed and challenged.
Writing these emails and blogs has necessitated that I use the same language with whomever I might be trying to keep in touch with. Some of my contacts, many of my contacts, I expect, will find this sort of language rather foreign. But one thing has been affirmed in my mind concerning culture, religion, language and dialogue… that the structure of our sentences, as the limitations of our minds and faith are not so much based on what we call ‘reality’, as it is based on the culture that we associate ourselves with. And that vocabulary as well as opinions can really change as easily as deciding to stand with a different group of people at our social gatherings. Beware, I warn myself, of being critical or high-minded of anyone else.
I take words very seriously, and the expression of ideas. It would be foolish for me here not to use the language that everyone else is using. And I find that it is refreshing to be able to express freely things that I have been part of me for a long time. I am glad to be rid of some of the cultural taboos and oppressions of Canada… What do you think? Mexico is clearly not free of taboos and oppressions, but neither is the mini culture in which I felt most comfortable at home.
Far from relativism or hopelessness, I have a real faith in truth and a desire for people to know it. The more I learn about reality, the more I see the need for grace through faith. In other words: I have heard a calling that calls “Jump! For there is so much more than you know, and I am good.” “What is your name?” I ask, as I finally lean over so far that I am beyond return. He answers again, and I get it, then ask again…
posted by John Wall | 2:01 PM
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